So Call Me Maybe?

It’s true what they say that everything can happen all at once.

This exact time last week I was trying to get my head together after completing my Comps exam for my #SADoc. The truth of the matter is I could barely remember simple words because my brain was a jumbled mess of too many words at once after spending an entire day writing about assessment, curriculum, research methods and statistics. As I continued to regroup I also began to pack my bags for my quick turnaround trip to Louisville to meet up with the ASCA Diversity Action Task Force.

I was flying out Monday morning to return Wednesday night to return to work on Thursday morning. It was in between all of this that I received the news that would finally end my #SAsearch journey as an #SApro. After more than a year of searching I had finally secured the position that I wanted. I had found my new professional home.

I cannot begin to explain the relief I felt within the moment of receiving that news. I was beyond elated but suddenly I felt physically and mentally exhausted. Yes, that could be from the fact that I had just taken an 8 hour exam just a few days prior, or the fact that I was in the room with 11 accomplished individuals discussing some very intense topics around social justice but I think the primary reason for my sudden exhaustion was that the weight of finally ending my job search process had hit me.

I had finally realized that I was done applying, no more tailored cover letters, no more phone interviews, and no more day long on campus interviews where I was “on” all day long. The weight of that being off my shoulders caused relief and exhaustion at the same time. It was as if my body and mind were both waiting to exhale. Suffice to say that the job search process can be a stressful one as you try to figure out what you want and who (i.e. which institution) wants you too.

Through the course of this past year I often expressed to my #SApro friends that I felt as though I was dating. Here I was hoping that I would get a phone call to get to know someone better (i.e. the phone interview), which would hopefully lead to our face to face date (i.e. the on campus interview) which would end with our being in a relationship (i.e. a new job offer at a new professional home). Each time I received a phone interview request I felt as though I was waiting for my potential suitor to call me back and when they didn’t or called with bad news I felt instant rejection. I often began to sing the popular Carly Rae Jepsen song, “Call me maybe?” in the office.

Each rejection felt as though my potential suitor (i.e. institution) did not want me. Then came the questions of why? Didn’t I impress you in our call? And if I did get a call to come to an on campus interview I felt as though I had won the lottery. I would then get excited as I would if I were finally going on a “real date”. But if that date (i.e. on campus interview) lead to rejection I then felt as though I wasn’t enough.

Each and every single “date” would leave me just a little more dejected and a little more uncertain about my ability to secure that coveted long term relationship.

It is hard not to think you’re not worthy of that relationship when you continue to wait for the phone to ring and nothing comes.

It was in those moments of anxiety and sadness that my friends, in this case #SApro mentors and friends, supported me. This support system was one very similar to how my friends would support me if a dating relationship did not go how I wanted it to. These friends held me up when I began to question my progress in searching for a position. They reminded me that what was meant to be would be and that the job that was best for me would come around. That position would just feel right. So just like in dating I continued to wait for the relationship that would fit me best and vice versa.

I am happy to be in my new long term relationship with Rutgers University. I am glad we found each other and decided to see where our relationship goes. And so this chapter of my dating game is over. I look forward to this new journey and am glad to say I am no longer searching.