What does it mean to be liked?

This year, as part of some additional opportunities I’ve been able to take on in my current role, I’ve helped organize some workshops for our faculty and staff.

The most recent one has been about best practices for student engagement in the classroom.

It has been an enlightening conversation, even if I’m not in the classroom every day. Engagement, after all happens everywhere.

One of the things that’s been part of that dialogue has been spoken about by one of our Assistant Professor’s in the School of Education, Dana Baker. Shout out to Dana!

She talks about data which shows that if students actually like you then they are more likely to pay attention in class to the content.

That has been something I’ve been thinking about this past week.

The concept of being liked.

I think at our core we all want to be liked.

It’s why difficult conversations are so hard to have for some because by sharing certain things we may not be as liked by the end of the dialogue.

But, here’s my question, does having a difficult conversation always mean you won’t be liked?

I don’t think so.

I think this is where I’d add in that if the conversation is had with empathy, where folks feel heard, maybe it doesn’t always lead to not being liked?

I think some of the best conversations I’ve had, which have put a mirror on how I’m showing up, have been made better by the fact that I like the people talking to me about difficult things at times. I respect them and their opinion.

What I could do better, how I could show up differently, it’s always taken more seriously and thought about more if the person delivering the information is someone you like and admire.

So, then doesn’t it make sense that students show up better for class if they like the instructor?

It seems like such a simple concept, but it’s hard to work towards being liked at times or knowing if you are liked. Also, one cannot be liked all the time.

The ways in which I hope students, faculty and staff, come to like me are based on my sharing about who I am, authentically, genuinely and with sincerity. Listening, of course helps too.

I think caring about other people at their core, helps.

I think trying helps.

But, I think also showing up for the difficult conversations helps.

I think sometimes if you’re willing to have the difficult conversation that can lead to being liked.

I know I’m not liked by all. I would be naïve to think that I am, but I do hope that all know the place I am coming from when I have the difficult conversations and they can respect and like me for it.

Maybe not in the moment, but someday.