We Can Only Do So Much

I’ve worked in education, in some way, for the entirety of my career.

Started off as a K-5 music teacher and then landed in higher education.

Happenstance opportunity brought me into the world of student affairs, specifically student conduct, and the two have never left me since.

Like most educators, I work tirelessly to support students or at least I feel like I do. I recognize that certain students, throughout my journey, across multiple institutions, may not feel the same way, but that’s a whole different conversation.

As I’m sure is the case for many of you, my roles over the years, have never been 1 area specific.

But, at the core of each and every position is the role of student advocacy and student support.

But, here’s the thing about student advocacy and student support, sometimes you can only do so much.

Let me explain.

Often times students make it to us while navigating the most difficult of situations or while struggling with personal dilemmas or while in crisis.

We show up. At the very least, we do our best to show up.

We provide information about how to help them, how best to support them, information about resources, but they have to meet us halfway by showing up for the conversation and doing their part.

We can only do so much.

At the end, the student has to also want to support themselves.

We can provide information about all the resources available on campus, off campus, connections we can help make for them on campus and we all likely do that but, the follow up has to be theirs to say, yes, I’ll go.

Yes, I’ll connect after you send that email.

Yes, I’ll show up for myself.

Often times that doesn’t happen and we are left continuing to offer support and continuing to push at them to show up for themselves.

It leaves us feeling frustrated and wondering if there is more we could have done.

Here’s the thing, sometimes there isn’t.

Sometimes, we’ve done all we could have done, and just have to keep trying to help the student understand that they need to show up for themselves.

Accountability is part of the conversation.

I say all this to say, sometimes, even with our best attempts, we aren’t heard.

It’s that old adage that you can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it.

And, it’s the worst feeling.

But, here’s the thing, in these moments I always hope that the student took in what I said and will remember it down the road and at some point circle back.

It’s the best we can hope for in those moments.

And sometimes, if we are lucky, they circle right back to us when their ready to show up.

So, remember to give yourself some grace too.

Hold yourself accountable when necessary, when you know you could have done more, and if you’re lucky you’ll have some great colleagues and mentors, to hold up a mirror for you, in those moments of self-reflection.

But, also, remind yourself when you know you’ve done everything you could have done, to give yourself some grace.