Sister of the Bride #thoughtfultuesday

This past weekend my sister got married. I’m still recovering from exhaustion. I’m still in awe of it all and frankly in shock that my sister got married.

Let me explain.

Growing up, and even now, everything my sister and I did was anything but traditional.

I willingly followed her cue on everything. Including obtaining degrees in the Arts and Doctorates in Higher Education and French. Not very inline with our cousins and family friends. We never much marched to the beat of everyone else’s drum.

As a child I followed her everywhere and wanted to be just like her, much to her dismay. There are many stories of my tagging along with her somewhere and her complaining about it with my mom. I always won those arguments because I was the younger sister and my mom would be on my side. My poor sister.

This desire to be just like her did not change much as we grew older. When we moved to the states my sister continued to educate me on what it meant to be a feminist. Although we both consider ourselves feminists to this day the way in which we expressed it was quite different. There was not much we agreed on as children or even young adults but there was one. We both did not want to get married. We had often spoken about the fact that the construct of marriage may not be for us. I’m still not sure but as you can see from the title of this post she changed her mind at some point but that by no means changes her being a feminist. I’m not sure when it happened or how. I’m not sure she is either. But I can tell you that she got married her way.
Traditional Indian wedding ceremonies constitute days of wedding activities. The wedding ceremony itself can be about 4 to 5 hours long and contains within it, like most religious wedding ceremonies, much that speaks to the patriarchy. My sister knew that although she wanted to get married that ceremony was not for her or her partner. My parents supported her on that.

Instead they were married in a civil court ceremony by a Judge. It was a quick 20 minute experience at the local court house. No, there was no horse that the groom rode in on and no music in the streets. Rather a few family and friends in a small conference room with my sister, my new brother in law, and the Judge. It was short, simple and sweet.

Even the wedding reception itself wasn’t traditional. My sister knew she wanted an afternoon luncheon as she herself didn’t love the late night wedding receptions we had to attend as children. She also knew she did not want a DJ but rather live music and so for her reception I sang the song she and her husband danced to with the accompaniment from a harp. The food was amazing and everything ended on time. I know, what a concept. She even chose a venue that had not been utilized by any of our family or friends before.
All in all the day was beautiful. I’m still not sure if I want to get married but I give great credit to my sister for doing it the way she imagined it and for finding a partner that saw eye to eye with her. Their ceremony was how they wanted it to be and their reception was beautiful. They had an amazing wedding planner that helped make the day exactly what they wanted. I’ll continue to follow her lead on doing things the way in which I want.

I have never seen my sister so happy, outside of the day she received her Ph.D but that’s a given. I still can’t believe my sister is married. It’s a strange feeling. I’m dreading the moment I walk across the hall in our house to ask a question and realize she’s not there. She’s not moving far away but still it feels far enough. I’m happy for her and her husband but recognize that as sister of the bride I too am starting a new chapter in my life.