Pause to Reflect

My mother is a big believer in positive thinking.

The power of positive thinking.

What happens when we don’t think positively.

How the universe is always listening.

We agree to disagree on much of this at times based on lived life experiences, and that’s ok.

So, as usual, she sent me a video this morning of a dialogue speaking to the fact that the universe is always listening and what we think, either positive or negative, comes to be. I disagreed with much of this in some ways but the part that stuck with me was about figuring out what you want.

The idea that knowing what we want leads to us getting what we want.

Based on the last few months, and here’s where I’ll be vulnerable with you folks for a moment, I paused to reflect and think that maybe I just don’t know what I want from a future partner.

As I pause to reflect over the last 5 years, when it comes to dating, I’ve had a couple serious relationships combust, a few could have been serious ones end, and countless amounts of conversations and 1 off dates.

I’m left to wonder what do I want?

A few of course were ended by me, but others were ended by my partners.

Each one caused me to pause and reflect, but I can confidently say, that it is this moment that I’m truly pausing to reflect on what I want.

Maybe, just maybe, I don’t really know and I’m seeing what’ll stick without the intentionality it deserves.

Maybe, just maybe, I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, in every dating relationship, and so inevitably, it does.

Maybe, just maybe, I over think it all too.

Truly, who knows.

I have a few friends struggling with dating as well or honestly struggling through divorce at the age of 36 or 37.

Maybe, just maybe, a pause is just what I need.

A pause to process.

A pause to think.

A pause to reflect.

A pause to dialogue.

A pause to be human and sit in it all.

Sometimes, pausing doesn’t mean stalling, pausing just means we actually do know what we need and it’s a breath.

A pause to breathe.

So here I am, pausing.

Pausing to just be and that’s ok.

Cause what everyone forgets to tell you, or remind you, is that dating is exhausting.

To pour ones soul out to another and be open to hurt, is exhausting. But, Rupi said it best too, “what is stronger than the human heart, which shatters over and over and still lives”.