Unapologetically Me
I was in a meeting the other day when a colleague looked at me and said “you don’t ever stop do you?”
For a moment I became embarrassed. I quickly stopped writing my email and turn to them and said something to the effects of “there’s no time to stop” or “there’s a lot to do.” Both statements are true.
I left the meeting shortly after to return to my office to follow up on a few things before I left for the day but her words kept ringing in my ear.
I began to have the same thoughts I have when folks question how many things are “on my plate” or how I’m “doing too much.” I know my colleague’s words were not from a place of ill intent but rather admiration at how much I do at once. So if they are reading this post please know that I know you were coming from a good place and I appreciate you. But statements like that always cause me to reflect no matter who says them to me.
The same tried and true questions of “am I doing too much?” “do I need to stop?” “is it bad that I have this much on my place?” came back to me at full speed.
I later spoke with a student of mine who said pretty much the same thing to me when I mentioned to her the new role I’d taken on for the NASPA II Advisory Board. Again, I began to wonder if there was a moment that I needed to “stop” or “slow down.”
It was the following day that I applied to be a chaperone for Rutgers Alternative Winter/Spring Break. I mentioned this to a colleague who looked at me sideways and said “ok.” The inherent thought behind it being alright if you want to add that to your plate too. Again, the thought of “am I doing too much?” echoed in my head.
Moments like this I am thankful for the long commute I have home because it allows me to reflect and get lost in my thoughts. The time I have to myself in the car is a great time to figure out what I’m really thinking without the interruption of anyone else. Besides, what else will I do in the car when I’m sitting in traffic?
So here’s my answer to those that ask if I ever stop. No. I don’t.
And to those that ask if there’s too much on my plate. No. There is not.
I am not sorry for how much is on my plate. I am not sorry for how much I hustle. Frankly, I am damn proud of it.
To those that question everything I do whether in admiration or worry or envy, yes I said it. Envy. Know that my priorities just may be different than yours and that’s ok. I love the work I do. And any chance I get to further my own development and the development of my students I will take.
Alternative winter/spring break to me is a time where I get to bond with students as a student affairs professional and not the Title IX Investigator. I get to give back to the community with my students and for one week I do not have to the person that students dread coming to see. Let’s face it if I do not take the moments that come my way to bond with my students in a positive light they may never see me as more than the Title IX Investigator.
It is for this very reason that I chose to volunteer to teach a section of the transfer seminar course at Rutgers this fall. Not only does my section have my transfer students from Bergen Community College in it which is just an added bonus because I get to see them weekly and keep an eye on them, but I get to interact with students every week as an instructor and not as a compliance officer. I look forward to that time with them. I hope that by forging those relationships students see me as more than the person who investigates incidents of sexual violence.
Now, please do not misinterpret what I am saying into thinking that I do not take my primary role at the University to heart because I do. I know my work matters and is needed. I take pride in my work and work hard at ensuring due process for all. However, just like our students I do not want to be seen in through one lens or only as one identity. I am multi-dimensional.
So no. I don’t ever stop. And when I do I think that will be the time to reconsider my priorities and think about next steps.
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