The Shove that Started My Day #travelswithjuhi #commuterlife #nyc

Last Friday I had a moment.

I’m not proud to admit it but it happened. I’m choosing to write about it and share my story. It’s the only way I know how to process.

Since beginning my #commuterlife in #NYC I’ve had a few normal average daily commuter hick ups but no issues with people.

I try my best to mind my business and let folks go about their business. I’ve encountered many frustrating people and situations and I usually just walk away. With that being said I have moments where I am human.

Last Friday I had one of those moments.

It was like any other day. I was opting to take the stairs out of Penn because every little bit of exercise counts. As I started up the stairs there was no stroller. As I got to the top, with only two steps left, I saw a young woman with a baby in a rather large stroller. A stroller that did not fit in the width of the staircase. Seeing as I was already almost to the top, remember I only had two steps left, I continued thinking she would wait till the rest of us were off the staircase. I mean she couldn’t even fit her stroller with us there.

I was wrong.

As I took my last step she and her friend began to shove the stroller into the staircase. As I barely skimmed past her I uttered the words “excuse me.” Her response to my excuse me was a shove. A shove with her left hand while her right hand held her baby’s stroller which was now right above the staircase.

Most days I do not respond. I continue about my day. But on that day the fact that this young woman responded by shoving me while she held her baby’s stroller in one hand over a flight of stairs got to me.

My response was “really?” To which she further responded “yes, really.”

I should have stopped. I should have just walked away but again her behavior got to me because I kept seeing the baby’s face.

I responded. I know I shouldn’t have but I did. My response, “you should be careful, you have a baby.”

Now, my comment was meant to be taken as please be careful you have a baby, but it was not taken as such. The stroller was now over the staircase. As I think about it now, let’s be honest, she knows she has a baby. She knows she’s a mom. I don’t know what it’s like to be a mom. I won’t even begin to comprehend how hard it is to be a parent. I give credit to parents all the time.
She responded. “Come at me b***h.”

I walked away. It had already gone too far. But what if I hadn’t? What if I had gone back at her? What then of her and her baby? Unfortunately not everyone in this world is kind.

I left with my heart racing and my anger getting the best of me.

There are so many things I would have changed about that situation.

Had I not been at the top of the staircase I would have gotten off the staircase when I saw the stroller. I could have offered to help.

Had I taken the same advice I give my students every day to be safe because you never know how others will react I would not have said anything at all when she shoved me. I’d have just walked away.

Had I taken a breather I’d have remembered that I do not know her story, her struggles, her reasons for reacting the way she does, and the fierce love and protection she may feel for her child.

Had I taken a moment I’d have remembered I hold myself accountable for much better behavior than that.

But, I had a moment.

We all have them.

To the young woman who reacted by shoving me, and telling me to come at her I hope she had a better rest of the day. I hope she remembers that her child is always watching. Unfortunately on that day her child saw my behavior as well. Neither I nor the child’s parent reacted well but I know that I would never intentionally “come” at anyone.

I hope she remembers that if she puts herself in a compromising situation she is also doing the same for her child.

Again, I’m not a parent. I know nothing of what it means to be a parent but I know my mother. She is fiercely protective of me but fiercely protective from harm. She’s walked away from situations before. I’ve seen it. She’s never engaged. I always commend her for that because as you can see I’m still learning.

I always try to help my students think about the situation and what could have happened. I did not do the same today. What if this person had come at me instead? Then what?

My anger in that moment of responding with “really” and “you have a child be careful” was not worth the risk of my safety.

I am humbled in this moment to say I need to always continue to practice what I preach but alas I am human.

I falter. I have more to learn. I grow each and every day.

To the young woman who reacted by shoving me and telling me to come at her I am sorry to have added any animosity to your day.

There is already too much hate and anger in this world. I do not want to add to it.

Let’s you and I both try to do better, be better and respond with kindness. I know I will continue to try harder. I hope everyone else does too.